Identity?

Lately i have been thinking. Is this me? Who am I?

And then tonight at dinner my brother said "This isnt you"

And so many questions popped into my head

Are you sure?

Who am I then?

If this isnt me, who is me?

And if its not me, where can i find well...me.

People say to be yourself, but the funny thing is... Do you understand how hard that is?

How hard it is to just... Be yourself? The easiest thing to say, is the hardest thing to be, pretty ironic i would say. Im still young, and yet i want to know who i am. And no book, family tree, or t.v. show is going to tell me that. I have to find it out myself, cause hey. Im going to have to live with me for a long time. And your probably saying "Really sophia?" sarcasm dripping in your voice "Thanks for pointing out the obvious." But as i sit here staring out my window, what if i already found myself? And now my true self is coming out? And no one likes it? Sometimes i hear my family talking about me in hushed voices "Oh her attitude" " Its gotta change" "this isnt like her" Can it stop please? Its hard enough to watch amazing, grace full, beautiful super models every day on t.v. and in magazines. And now your telling me this isnt like me? How do you know who i am, and i dont? How do you know who i am, and i still have no clue at all. Could you give me a hint please? Why do i have to be confused? I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside im splitting open, and im screaming in frustration.

I`ll look at the mirror and see myself, and i love myself completely. And i dont want to change at all... But i do want to become the woman that will make me happy, proud, and not ashamed. But i dont want to have to worry about upsetting everyone. So if you could please deal with my "meltdowns" "random out burst of rage" and anything else headed your way? Im going to shape up into the woman that will make me proud. And not to sound self centered, but thats all that matters right? How i feel? Not how you feel, not how my parents feel, me.

Identity... Is it a myth? Or is there hope... (theres always hope, or so they say) that im gonna find me? Parents and friends are supposed to guide you, but i dont want to be guided now that i think about it. If im going to find me, i want to do it by myself. (with only a few nudges on the way) I want to one day look in the mirror and go "Yea... thats me"

Facebook and Myspace Pressure

Well i suppose for most people school is almost out, or over with already. And im getting alittle depressed with not going to be able to see most of the people i hang out with at school. And i know the usuall way to chat is threw email, text messaging, or threw the phone. But today if you went around asking most kids from the ages 12 and up if they have a facebook or myspace they will probably say "YES!" or" Yea i have both!" And its true MOST of my friends have a myspace or facebook. So that would be the obvious thing to get right? So i could stay in touch! But in truth, when im being honest with myself I really dont WANT a Myspace or Facebook. And all my friends are all like "Oh your should get this or your should get that!" And im touched that they want to keep in touch with me but...I really dont WANT to have one. Its not that im scared of what could happen with stalkers and all. (and Im not saying thats not a scary thing because it is.) Or its not because i dont want to keep in touch, believe me i do! I really dont know the reason WHY i dont want one. And also because it might be alittle bit, because my parents really dont want me to have one. And im not angry with them at all. And then some of you might be thinking "WELL THEY CAN JUST CALL YOU DUMBO!" But i will admit, I HATE HATE HATE talking on the phone. I really do. I dont even know why! it just bothers me. And then some people just want to keep talking and talking and talking. And its not because i dont want to talk to them its because i just dont like being on the phone. So thats x-ed out. And then your probably thinking "THEN WHAT ABOUT EMAIL?" And yes i loveeeeeee to email. But most of my friends dont. They would rather text or twitter or be on myspace or facebook! And i do text and havge a twitter. But i cant just have everyones number. I dont have the time, or space on my phone to get everyones number. But im getting off subject. All in all i dont want a facebook or myspace, because maybe i feel like i might be growing up to fast. Aww the good old days, when you would ride bikes together in the long summer days. And not have a care in the world about the internet. Now its hard to peel away from the comp for some people. And they wonder why everyone is becoming fat! Maybe its because i dont want to become addicted. So please leave a comment on how you feel about myspace or facebook, or whatever!

Boys be lovin

Ha ha. Do u ever one of those days, when u just feel like "Whoa, i feel really hott today" I had one of those today. It started with this boy in 8th grade. I know he likes me. Its obvious. First he started off brushin my hair with his hand when i was walking down the stairs. And then when i was walking down the hall he was talking to his friend, and stopped talk to him and said "Hey" in like...well u know kinda way. And i looked at him, playing hard to get, and said hey yourself.. Then i walked past him, giving him a small shove. And he just always takes time out of his day, to say hi. If only he knew how special it makes me feel.
Next, our dance was tonight. So of course we were all dancing. I started dancing around, and like my friend said "Hey that guy is checking u out!" My eyes got big and i moved away. lol. I have NEVER had a guy check me out before. Later in the dance, this other guy tapped my shoulder and i turned around. He started dancing with a smirk on his face, and smiled back and danced with him too. I was on a roll! Then this guy i know, came over and danced with me to the "Get Sill-a" song. That was fun. Then the cupid shuffle came on, and i totally worked that song. My hips were totally working to the beat, and the good thing was i KNOW this row of guys were watching. Which just made me be energetic. The next thing i know the "Stanky leg" came on. And we all got like crazy moving our hips, sticking our legs out and shaking them. Or whatever u do. And we were all going crazy, one of my best friends ever came over and started getting crazy with me too. (hint hint pink skinnys) So in conclusion alot happened at this dance. ALOT. It was alot more fun than the last dance. I was alot better at dancing than the last one. And i had ALOT more guys dancing with me.

So i just wanted to tell who whats been going on, in the guy area. So there you go. Till next time.

~sophie-chan

Your Belief

Your Belief is your belief.
Im not going to make fun of it, im not going to hate you for it. Im just going to accept you.
I wont ignore you for it....I want begun rumors about you.
I`ll just accept it.

But suddenly i begin noticing lately that alot of my friends are turning....atheist. But dont get me wrong, i love each and everyone of them to death. I would put my life before any of theres....our friendships are forged now. No turning back...Now to those people that dont know what atheist means...It means you dont believe in god at all.
But the problem is....that i accept them...but....There starting to make me think twice about god. AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD. I want to believe in god...but every day i seem to find a reason to believe in him/her less and less. Until i found this icon the other day that...

Said...

I would rather live my life believing in god....and finding out there wasn`t one. Then living my life not believing in god,,,,and finding out there was one.

And this just struck me.

If i can accept my friends....wether there Muslim, Mormon, atheist,ext. Then they can accept me too.

So the next time someone tells you that.

Just say "Ok" and treat them the same.
Dont try to change them right away....because there probably just confused.
You shouldn't`t treat someone diffrently because there different.

Just make sure....You stay yourself.

The theatre world

Im apart of the theatre world now.

I was in "Annie Get Your Gun"

And to tell the truth,....its a blast! Really i was doing it with people i really enjoy. Our first show was last night, and it went great....except this girl i really really like (like a sister) busted up her chin, and she was crying...and it really scared alot of us. Thank god it was not to serious, she will just need to get some stitches. And hopefully will be back tonight. Because we all miss her.

The finale came, and we sang no business like show business. And we all hit our high notes (i didn`t even know i could go that high!!!) And the crowd applauded, and some people just stand ed and applauded. It was just such a rush. Now i understand why everyone loves to perform. It was amazing...So anyways im really proud of myself, and im sure everyone else is too.

But the theatre is a kind of melancholy thing....while the performance were amazing...and all the people were great too! The thought hung over all of are heads....Would we ever see these people again? Would we ever meet them again? Its kinda like high school graduation. You get a rush, and your happy its over....but some times you never see those people again. So we can only hope to see them all again I suppose. And i hope i do....

So if there are any of my fellow actors and actresses. Or people that were in my show, i just wanted yall to know to...


Break a leg

Kung Hei Phat Choi

Kung Hei Phat Choi!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Its the year of the ox!!

I'm sure by now you have heard it is new years in china!!! Amazing isn`t it? Its already been new years for about two weeks now over here in America but in china it just started! So if you have an Asian friend (not to be racist) go ahead and surprise them by saying that!!

Some things they do on New years in china and before

.Days before the Chinese New Year, House cleaning to clean sweeps away bad luck and ready for good luck to arrive.

.They don’t clean your home during the first day of Chinese New Year.

.Make loud noises to scare away the evil spirits

.Feed the lion (is in the parade google it if you do not know) cabbage.

.Use fire crackers.

SO PLEASE HAVE A GREAT HAPPY NEW YEARS! AND REMEMBER!

Kung Hei Phat Choi!!!!

Friday night movies

So last night i went to the movies, with my best friend her sister, and her sisters boyfriend. Just us at the movies, waiting in line the cold air hit our faces. But we were having fun, its something about going to the movies without no parents you know? Anyways we paid for out tickets and everything and were walking in. We go buy some drinks and stuff. And were laughing at each others jokes just having fun and everything. By the way we were seeing Paul Bl art- Mall cop. And which was a very funny movie!! Omg we were laughing the whole time. But during the movies, My friends sister threw a whopper at me, and i turned around and glared at her (in a joking way) and then turned back around, to the point were she kicked her sister in the back of her chair. Which got us to crack up even louder. And let me tell you her boyfriend, really really, loves whoppers (the candy). I'm not even joking on this, supposedly (because this was my first time to go with them) he always gets them. And were watching the movie, and I'm whispering with my friend, when all of a sudden i see this box show up in front of my face, and i look and theres her boyfriend giving me his whoppers. I smiled and took them, gave some to my friend and continued to talk to her. And I'm thinking, "AWWWW! that was so cute.....OMG WHOPPERS!"
The movie ended and we walked down the stairs to go outside. We walk out...and the place is just packed. I mean everyone everywhere....Just crazy.But it was still cold outside. We were walking down, when all of a sudden these 3 guys start cussing, I'm talkin like dropping F bombs and all that. And we end up sitting next to them. Which was really uncomfortable. But whatever, her boyfriend sat between them and us. Which was really nice, and that gave him some huge acceptance points. Then we left, and went to her house everyone still in tow. Had dinner. We went outside and sat (all four of us) On this swing type thing. Where we swung for what seemed forever in our own little comfortable world. Where it was just us and the dark starry night. Where time seemed to stop. But then we went upstairs to play some wii. And my best friends sister, went on face book. All three of us were playing Wii tennis, all cracking up, making up our own jokes. We even got to the point were we were hitting the floor laughing. And then her boyfriend said something that made me want to scream out loud, with laughter. We started talking about this show, supernatural (greatest show ever!!) Which no-one else i know ,except for my best friend and her family, watched. Then i found out he watched that show too! I was soooooo happy! GO MY BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND!

Lol. So in the end

We saw a great movie

I approved of my best friends sisters boyfriend.

And we had loads and loads of fun.

So yea....It was a great Friday night...